So I have to say that this shit, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/13/fox-news-to-female-comedians-be-pretty_n_1009169.html, this shit right here really pisses me off! What kinds of douchebags’ have the balls large enough to run this and the brain small enough to let them? I mean really? Because I guarantee you it is NOT a woman that is trying to make it; and or the mother of 3 that FINALLY has the chance to TAKE a chance and go for it. Or maybe perhaps a person like me, that had to take time off because she got sick, and I mean REALLY sick, surgery after surgery, only to find out it will be a disease that will be me with me for the rest of my life. But hey, I beat the fucking cancer so that’s something right? Lost some vital parts of my make up, but I am functioning fine these days. I am just amazed at how quickly ALL of the people that say “If you need ANYTHING, ANYTHING at all, you let me/us know!” These people obviously know how I am, and that I won’t nor would I ever ask for shit from anyone. I just didn’t expect everyone to disappear and be treated like a pariah; I was put on steroids for a bit as treatment and became HUGE! Which was NOT sexy, but fuck off if I wasn’t funny I was funny and I looked like a fucking Weeble too! I was in the hospital every other week, but I tried like fuck to keep it all together. There is no sexy in being sick so shove it up your ass right there, trust me I tried, there is pain, getting sick, medicine, hospitals, doctors, nurses it’s NOT sexy! There is NO sexy in being sick sorry I tried! However, there IS sexy in perseverance and trying no matter what, that is sexy, look at Lance Armstrong he’s not sexy to me, but his strength, endurance and never take no answer is sexy as hell.
Now you say that SEXY has to play a part in it all? Well that’s just FABULOUS! What happened to having a brain or even an ounce of integrity, no, why have that if we can have SEXY! Because let’s face it THAT’S what sells! Even though if you look closely at the (not naming names) female hosts of shows who have partied too hard and too long and the booze and drugs are definitely taking their toll, but they have a quick wit and good comeback and thank fuck a stylist and makeup team that can do wonders with Plaster of Paris! I KNOW I am not making friends here, but what I am doing is being real, because I am real, I am vibrant, I am quick, I am funny, I am cruel, I swear, I am a force to be reckoned with. I will not suck the “comedic cock” of anyone at any time, and I will happy to get where I am going where I am going AT MY OWN PACE. I am a sober comic as well, which make also make my steps even slower. But I tell you what I won’t do, is lie to someone about being there, and just NOT! There is a comic that has balls to the walls integrity and stood by me as much as he could from miles away. He is like me, he says what he means and means what he says and does not mince his words. He and his wife were totally supportive of me and even though I was weird about letting people close because I figured they would just bail once they knew all of it. I let them in, because they were real, and something told me they were “OK” and I’ve loved them ever since. Sean Morton is one of the best up and coming comics and his wife is just the friggin’ best!
So where there was a loss, SO many losses, but in a good way, allow me to explain. I was so caught up in who was who and what was what, what that I started to lose what was fun about doing comedy, and you know what is fun about doing comedy? EVERYTHING! If you are doing it right. It should be everything from the moment you step onto the stage to hearing the crowd laugh. Writing for your shows, and making yourself laugh while you’re doing it, THAT’S sexy! Not caring if anyone else likes your stuff because it’s good enough for you! Giving YOURSELF all the confidence you need THAT’S sexy! Not needing the approval of idiots and magazines that are SO out of touch with the real shapes and sizes of women is NOT reality, in the slightest. Be OK with you, LAUGH often, and without abandon, THAT’S sexy! I happen to know that I am a stunning beautiful woman, and I used to have a fan base that would tell you the same, I made one little mistake, I was human. In that moment of human weakness and error, my fan-base dissipated and is being built all over again, and that is completely fine by me, because I have been too. I am stronger, more fierce and I am loved by more people than I ever knew possible. Now THAT THAT is fucking sexy! Sorry Huffington Post, but you have never been more wrong of a subject that I know SO very much about!
xx- hh
Heather Hellcat
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