Religious Idiots, Homophobes & Other sucky things

This is a repost of last year's blog to remind my friend of just how far he has come :)

I really have no problem with anyone else having or doing anything, although people seem to have PLENTY of opinions/problems with a lot of what I do. That’s really quite alright with me, I have managed to grow thick skin over the last decade or two, so it rarely affects, slows or sways me.  It can however annoy me, which it has been doing more often than not lately. I cannot seem to "rise above it" and act as if I have risen above whatever the situation is. I'm a comic not an actress, nor do I plan on making the cross over, at any time if ever at all. I'm at the point where I haveaccepted the fact that I am not the only one with an opinion, just the only opinion that I am concerned with for the most part, ha!  While I may love a good debate any day, with a worthy opponent,  let’s face it arguing with a stupid person is just mental, there is nothing more frustrating than a stubborn stupid person at least to me.  They seem to be the FIRST ones to multiply and with such ease and success, I find it not only head wrecking/mind boggling, the truth is it ALSO frightens me as well. Makes me want to poison the well of wherever they are, but I would never, I just think about it often and wonder if by doing so would I be helping or hindering the world or the economy.

The point of my bringing that up is, I have a friend that recently came out to his family, and it was not received well by his family and so his options were few. He was told that he is "too young to know what he is yet" and that he needs to talk to the church appointed counsellor.  My friend is from a long line of Baptist's and by Baptist's in this case I really mean hypocrites. He went to see the counsellor and because he has not and will not change his stance on his sexuality he moved out. I support him in his decision and his lifestyle, I don't think his family understands that he is NOT taking the easy road, and he is NOT doing this for "attention" like they had originally thought and said. He is who he is, and he should not (nor should ANYONE) alter that to fit anyone's vision of who they should be should it not fit their cookie cutter image. It is YOU that has to wear your skin, so you might as well get and be comfortable in it, it is a long hard process becoming the you, YOU are, embrace the journey, take it slow though, it is not a race. I used to think it was, and I couldn't wait to be an adult, NOW I am an adult watching cartoons eating happy meals and having assistants who are more like "hellcat handlers" because I am a menace! Back to my friend though, funny thing is that his family is hiding behind the bible likeminded, albeit different religions, the reasoning is basically the same; "Do as I say, not as I do." So because my friend is gay; his family has chosen the church over their child and that to me is disgusting.  Take the you’re different therefore you’re bad, not the you’re different, let me try to understand why I am so threatened and or challenged by this….just the other, more extreme narrow minded approach.

I cannot understand that, nor do I ever want to be able to either, EVER! I just don’t believe that a person should be defined by their beliefs in that fashion.  Fear is not faith, love is not exclusion, and one should never feel guilty about having fun or doing something that is perfectly normal or natural that’s just mental...

So, I don’t believe in any religion or in God for that matter, not because I think it’s trendy, or to prove a point. I don’t believe in it for the simple fact that religion is and was created by man for man to instil fear and keep control over a crowd or a village or whatever the situation was at the time, when religion had started to be recorded other than by Egyptians and Roman. Which would be earlier than what we know of, perhaps the Inca’s or the Mayan’s actually, and they were not as civilized as SOME of mankind. Religion was ritualistic, and usually for and with purpose, sacrificial, to a variety of God's that would in turn grant the worshipper's with crops or a child or whatever they were chanting and killing for that time. So religion, and all of it, is older than just "God, and Jesus" WAY older!! Oh and if you do your research homophobes…..look at the Roman and Greek architecture and statues….there were polyamorous lot, may want to condemn the already gone on that one, too.

The reason I don’t believe in God is because the Universe has been here longer than all of us, and was/is at the start of the big bang. The Universe is in our genetic coding, the same chemical components are in our entire DNA, so we are all products of the same Universe. That is science THAT I can wrap my head around, no baby in the manger, virgin giving birth.  I am not saying that ALL of The Bible is bullshit, but I feel it’s like a game of telephone that has gotten way out of hand and who knows what anymore.  I do believe, in miracles, if you followed my old blog than you know, I bloody am one! I see miracles all the time, and see things that take my breath away, hear music that moves me so much I get chills and some is so beautiful, without words I still will well up. ALL of these things are gifts and blessings if you will, from the Universe I guess. I will never discount someone’s beliefs unless they are being a jerkass, asshat douchebag and need to be shut up or be shown! I for the most part, just ignore them, or don’t get involved they are not worth the effort and energy. These people seem to have all the time in the world to try to convince you of how you are wrong, or how you are this or that. DON’T! Just like a rabid dog, or an animal you don’t know don’t look in the eyes! My problem is (ha! Like I have just one) I look everyone in the eyes, for the most part, to see if they are full of shit, or not. Like it matters people lie right to your face, without even flinching all the time, makes me more mental than I already am! 

I don’t care what you believe in, or what you don’t, I don’t care what you have or what you don’t either. Although I will admit I am not fond of “hippie-types” I don’t like the smell of patchoulli, and it does not cover up the fact that you stink of pot and BO either. So grow up get in the shower USE the soap and wash your fucking ass already, for fucksake! You want to prove a point, you want to stick it to "the man" well a good way to really fuck him up, is by acting responsibly for yourself, quit couch-surfing, oh I don't know WASH YOURSELF then your clothes maybe?! Wear shoes? Get a job. You can be a hippie in other ways, ride your bike everywhere, eat organic, have a garden, solar panels, hybrid cars, hemp clothing! These are just suggestions do what you'd like, if you have children, love them like you mean it! Be grateful for them, it's a WHOLE different ballgame out there for kids today, and I would not wish it on anyone! The one thing I do agree with in Hippie-logic is love. Love is fucking amazing, and I've been fucked over hard! I mean bent over and drilled without any anal-ease, hard, and I STILL believe in love. I have faith in love of all the retarded things ever, I have ever had taken from me, my faith in love is still there, it gets banged up and my heart gets smashed from time to time but it's one of the few things I do right. I love people in my life with fervour like no other; I will stand beside them through thick and thin. ALWAYS, I am loyal to a default, but one thing I have learned through it all, is that I need to love myself above all else, I hope you all know that too. It's an important lesson, that no one teaches you, and because it is not taught, we often make mistakes, messy ones! Less, I digress…

No matter what MY religion or religious beliefs might be, or the choices my child made, I could and would NEVER turn my back on them, because they chose a lifestyle I did not approve of. It seems to me, that it is easier for people to turn their backs on, or walk away from what they don’t know rather than try to understand it. Now I’m not saying that the WHOLE family should convert, that WOULD be funny; I mean a dad in some assless chaps, would be a brilliant sight! Gas! Absolutely mental! Maybe it’s because I cannot have children that I am more sensitive about this, maybe because of all I endured as a child as well, it could be because I have empathy for my friend. I understand how much harder it is going to be for him and I plan to stand behind him every step of the way. I remember telling him in a joking way for him not to worry, that “my God is a drag queen and she is fierce, you can play in my camp.”  He’ll be fine, even if I’m not on the same continent; I know in my heart of hearts he’ll be fine. We just had lunch the other day, and he is stronger than ever and freer as well. He’s even gone to his first Pride Day in the best place to go to one San Francisco! I am so proud of him, for all of this! Plus, he is one of the best most genuine people I have ever known; he is truly good for the sake of being good which is SO rare these days.  May the force be with you! Ooooohhh that’s my religion! Star Wars and Dr. Who! And there I was thinking I was without faith!

All hail Yoda you will, Using the Force you I do!…..adjusts Jedi hood, charges and lights light sabre......disappears.

xx-hh 

Home? HOME!!..WHAT THE?! WHO THE?!..Pffffffft!

My apologies for it being SOO long for a post or any signs of life, but I have been getting back to me, and sometimes it takes a bit of a bop or some such to make this happen. I actually had a shove, but I’ll get them back for that ;) it’s not all bad….I am returning to where I feel I belong, my rightful place the UK and Europe for that matter.  John Lennon had the most apropos quote befitting to this situation as well as reminding me of my place in the Universe ALL the time! “Life is what happens, when you’re busy making other plans.” Beautiful Boy- John Lennon. Sometimes I forget how insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things, I think I have a lot more power and control over things than I actually do and then I become so disheartened and dissatisfied when things DON’T go according to HOW I would like them to go and what I had them pictured to be. I was offered a job, a FABULOUS job my ultimate dream job, I am under contract with so I cannot get into specifics about just yet.... but YAY FUCKING ME! I had a partner that I thought was perfect for me, a notch under my belt as in a milestone in recovery and just when my life cannot seem to get better, I step on a land mine. By landmine I do NOT mean the NYC term for dog shit either, though it’s not far off, I suppose. So that is the long and the short of the inspiration behind this blog I suppose.

I am sitting on my bed surrounded by chaos, and by chaos I mean boxes, debris and the absolute fact that I have no control over what happens next. I was supposed to return to the place that I would be calling home. When it occurred to me in my mind’s eye home was NOT a place but a person, and that right there made me snap awake, with a clarity I had not had in some time. I had once again given in to an idea, a delusion, a want, a need if you will. I realised that,  I have been lost for a long time, not lost as in direction or purpose, but lost as in to where and whom I belong. Truth is I belong to no one and no one belongs to me, NO ONE is property of another person. It is up to each of us as a person to be faithful, loyal, and committed, out of honour, respect and everything in between.

If you HAVE a partnership it should be based on trust honesty, respect, understanding and an unspoken gratitude. A worshipping type of gratitude is just idiotic and mental and we all know I loathe idiots, when you CHOOSE a partner and your partner chooses you back, whether there are vows written , exchanged, expressed, spoken or unspoken, you should be grateful.  Grateful that this person has signed up to put up with your "bullshit" day in and day out regardless of how you look if you lose or gain weight, hair, a limb, have a lifelong disease that most people will not understand, they are your partner in crime, life and discovering things about yourself and them as well. When times are hard, they help share the balance, it’s just how it is, so be grateful if you have this.

 
If you don’t just know that it is out there and you are deserving of it, and it will find you one way or another. It may be the last place you look, so my advice it stop looking, give up throw your hands up and give this one over to the Universe, it knows what it’s doing…..we just screw up everything down here…at least I did and sometimes I still do. Out of fear, my logic being, if I don't let them in, they cannot hurt me, they'll only leave anyway. My best friend died when I was 16, my Nan when I was 10 and the list goes on and on. My becoming a comic was NO accident, it was my way to vent, deal and make fun of how fucked up I thought I really was and am. Turns out A LOT of comics are just as twisted so I was right at home, I was not as dysfunctional as I thought I was just fun. Fun meant booze and anything else I could do to shut off feeling anything, which I did for many years, as I've written before. I'm straight now and I really hated when people preached to me, that is not what I do. or what this blog is about.  Moving on,  I became increasingly unskilled and untrusting of people and relationships, almost fearful of emotions and being human. 

If it was beautiful, I would break it to see if I could, if they loved me I pushed them away, or ran very far, very fast, to prove I could and then cry because I was alone. Or worse I would push to see how far I could take it, before it would break often bewildered by peoples patience, endurance and "love" for me. Truthfully I would have bailed on me  AGES ago! If it was mine, I'd take it for granted, if it was easy, I didn’t (and still at times don’t) trust it, therefore most times don’t and didn't want it. If it was not like me I am fascinated by it until I figure it out then I become bored, once I am bored I am done, once I am done I am gone. This was all old behaviour that I am SO thankful I have learned to change; I learned the value of people at MY OWN expense.  So before you or anyone you know makes these same mistakes and breaks the heart of someone undeserving, first at least be grateful for the partner you do have even if you cannot stand the sight of them at this moment. If their voice is like nails on a chalkboard to you, if EVERYTHING they do is wrong, and you think “really? Really? I mean, really? Are you THAT daft?!”  Chances are you are not listening, or realising something that is going on with that person, the one that has signed up for your bullshit, the one that says nothing about this or that……the one that SHOULD but does not, the one that could but chooses not to; is still there, loyal, loving, willing and taking the hits. It’s amazing what people do for the feeling of security…..for that feeling of home. So before you give up anything, make sure that you’re with the right person, you’re both on the same page. Watch their actions, because a person can lie through their words but never through their actions, remember that always, because that is not bullshit and will prove to be right every time!

If a person had gratitude for the least little thing it will show in the simplest ways, if they do not….that will show just as assuredly…..clear as day. There is a difference between selfishness, foolishness, ignorance, selflessness, pride, ego, arrogance and misguidance. It is easy to confuse them though, most people do and throw the labels around so readily but really have no idea what they are saying. When a person is selfish they cannot see past themselves, like the saying “He could not see the forest for all the trees”, it is all about them, their needs above all others, when a person is foolish or shows an example of foolishness, they know better but do the act anyway, not in a selfish manner but in an act of ignorance. Ignorance means just that being ignorant of or a fancier way of saying stupid or daft. Selflessness means to be completely taken out of self, to do for others as you would yourself, without question, hesitation or a second thought, you put other people on the same par as yourself. Pride is to have an inherently inflated sense of self which you display through actions. Ego is basically conceit….it is what most people feel is being attacked when someone points out something to them about their actions or character. Something that is most likely the truth but they don’t like the way it was presented so it becomes an issue alot of times an arguement or debate. Arrogance is like Ego on crack…..it is an amplified often offensive sense of self. Misguidance is easy, to be led wrong or to take the wrong direction, either by your own thinking, another person's advice, suggestion or something that may have been heard. The power of suggestion is stronger than people think, look at a picture of someone yawning in a book and see for yourself....only after you find youself doing it of course!

NEVER be afraid to ask questions; just be afraid of the one’s you don’t ask! There is no reason to play mind games especially if you respect the person you are with. It is not a power struggle, it is not a fight for control and if it is, question what the hell you are doing there straight away! Don’t be anyone’s punching bag EVER, emotional or otherwise! Life is short, never be in a relationship where you are not getting back what you give. Practice an attitude of gratitude and if you find you’re not receiving it back, it’s time to go…..no harm no fowl. You’ve done all you could, but if you are in a relationship where it IS all clicking, love fiercely, without condition, and without abandon. Live life with as much passion and wonder as if you were seeing it all for the first time, because really, you are! Oh and maybe tell your partner thank you every now and again…..for signing up for your "bullshit", that wouldn’t hurt anything either! So it all comes down to home is within all of us, don’t let anyone take that from you, it is a feeling you can share with someone much like love. It’s up to you WHO you choose to share it with, but like love, you would not open up your home to just anyone now would you? I didn’t think so. It would be a fucking Soup Kitchen in a heartbeat and you'd be PISSED homeless pissing in the corners, it would get ugly real fast! Don't do that to yourself your partner or your home! There is a great line from one of my favourite movies called Moonlight Mile (lesser known, but brilliant by the way... I highly recommend it) "you find your home, it may not be how you pictured, the style may be off, the colour all wrong, but you find your home." I hope you all find yours, or realise like I did, it was with you all along   http://youtu.be/TO2YhY_L2Jc

Be well ALWAYS!

xx-hh